Chocolatier Paul Wayne Gregory ("widely considered to be one of the top three chocolatiers in London") plans to "tackle" the rise in knife and gun crime in London through "the medium he knows best" - chocolate - according to The Streatham Guardian.
The 38-year-old chocolate sculptures expert, whose last project was creating a 4ft by 3ft chocolate painting of Nelson Mandela for the former South African leader's 90th birthday, reportedly said: "I think sculptures in chocolate would have a powerful effect to show just how young these child victims and those responsible are."
Maybe, but one can't help question whether chocolate is a suitable remedy for these soaring levels of teenage crime. Firstly, where would we find a fridge big enough to accommodate this massive piece de resistance? Imagine the stench of stale chocolate that would fill the already pungent London skies. Would this really lead to Quality Street(s)? - copyright MBezzle 2008.
Most importantly, would this new chocolatey policy not, I hear you cry, stand at odds with the government's plan to battle the obesity epidemic? The last thing London needs is fatter yobs - but maybe we're missing something here. If, as I've already assumed here, readers, teenagers insist on gobbling away at these sculptures, their exposed boxer short waistbands will grow ever tighter as their health and fitness levels steadily decline. Thus, the ability of delinquent teenagers to run away from the scene of a crime is exponentially reduced - increasing the chance of police officers arresting the wheezing fiends.
And my dad said my politics degree was a waste of time. I've just saved London, dad.
Additionally, Mr Gregory has suggested the idea of a chocolate bust of the London Mayor to a City Hall staff member. Go ahead and snigger if you like, but a chocolate Boris Johnson might just be what London needs. And even if it isn't, we can always melt it down and make cakes and muffins for the masses. If only Boris was as agreeably malleable.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment